Media goes berserk, boasts bollacks

Following an unusually exciting and optimistic international break for English football fans, Friday presented a dull opportunity for the British media to create a sensational transition into the weekend's Premiership action.

As if fans from around the world needed more anticipation after two weeks without domestic action, three particularly fanciful stories emerged Friday based solely on old quotations and a further heaping of unabashed conjecture.

David Beckham was tipped for an off-season loan move to Arsenal to facilitate his ambitions to play for England in the remaining World Cup 2010 qualifiers next spring. Beckham is currently obligatorily applying his trade in the MLS until the season's end in November, leaving an off-season without real training. Capello has made it unequivocally clear to media, fans, and players alike that form applies and if players aren't playing for club they won't be playing for country.

The idea itself may not be far-fetched, but applying the theory based solely on Beckham's recent and understandably positive reaction to England's performances is more conjecture than substantiated prediction, especially with consideration for Beckham's historical inability to say anything meaningful (or intelligible) to reporters.

Again, based seemingly only on England's past few brilliant performances, Emile Heskey has been linked with a romantic move back o Liverpool in the January transfer window. In replying to a question about his performances for England possibly attracting attention from bigger clubs, the big target-man replied Thursday, ""Yeah, I hope [to attract interest], ... but I'm still a Wigan player and I want to do my best for them. Everyone wants to be playing on these big stages, and for their club to be in the Champions League." It's hardly irrefutable evidence linking him back to the club where he spent his glory years, during which he displayed form similar to recent emulations with England and Wigan.

To top it off, as drooling football yobs like myself and you alike surfed the Internet in a futile attempt to alleviate our anticipation, we found that Carlos Tevez will be targeted by Real Madrid in the summer. Apparently the "rule of threes" still exists in comedy, and this story completed the farcical hat-trick by centralized British soccer media. This story was fueled solely from a quote from the average Madrid player Higuain, saying, "I hope Carlos comes. He's a great player and, if he comes, he will be welcomed." Tevez is then quoted stating with a complete lack of equivocalnesses his desire to remain the Premiership at Manchester United.

Neither story represents much to sink your teeth into, but at least we are all reminded of the preposterously speculative nature of prevailing soccer journalism during a time where the action itself was doing more than enough to sustain our interest. There is never a shortage of supply for cynicism in this field, or during this age.